T W O | Happy, Happy, Happy

As I continue with Brave Love's The Blog-tember Challenge, I find myself really thinking about what makes me happy.  Today's blog prompt is to write about what makes you happy, from the little joys to the huge game-changers.  Not that I'm not inherently a happy person, but I think I sometimes struggle to find joy and happiness in the little things.

When I think about things, no matter what they are, I often find myself googling Bible verses to help sort out my feelings.  And happiness, for me, is no different. I stumbled across this verse:

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.  Against such things there is no law." Galatians 5:22 - 23

For me, that really means something.  The Spirit is {LOVE}.  The Spirit is {JOY}. Peace. Forbearance.  Kindness.  Goodness.  Faithfulness.  Gentleness.  Self-control.

That makes me happy.  

But, what else makes me happy?

Alex & our fur baby, Chloe.  My parents.  Friends.  Sweet baby noises.  A place to call home.  Hot tea, warm blankets, and long chats with my love.  Rain.  Clouds. Everything Fall.  The holidays.  PUMPKIN.  My career.  {All things pink}  Office supplies, mostly colorful pens.  BOOKS!  My sewing machine.  An ability to create something new.  Baseball.  Football.  Queso.  Spontaneous plans.  

O N E | Who I Am

Hey guys!  It's Day 1 of Brave Love's The Blog-tember Challenge.  I'm super excited to be on this little journey with you, because well, um, IT'S FUN!  I've always had a thing for writers, books, and their stories, so I think this was a perfect little prompt to get the *challenge* started!

Sept 1st:  Imagine the front sleeve of a hard cover novel.  Give us your "About the Author" so we can get to know one another, and for fun tell us what your imaginary novel would be about.

So here it goes... 

My name is Christina.  :-)  I was born in Kansas, in May 1983.  That makes me 31 years old.  I am a natural born red-head with green eyes and freckles, so growing up all of my teachers called me Dorothy.  Plus, I had a yorkie dog that definitely resembled Toto.  I have a brother who is two and a half years younger than me, to the day.  My mom is my absolute best friend.  I get my stubborn, independent ways from her.  I am a firm believer in education which is why I currently have an Associates of Arts, Bachelors of Science in Finance, a Masters in Business Administration, and am two classes away from a Masters of Science in Accounting. I'm a CPA candidate, which means all of my free time is spent studying.  But really, those are things you can read on a resume.  Who Am I?

I am:  A believer in Christ, Alex's girl, a daughter to her Mamma, a {best} friend, Chloe's mom.  

I am:  stubborn, strong willed, opinionated, intelligent, optimistic, pessimistic, dedicated, focused.  

I long to be:  a wife and mom, someday.  

I will be:  successful in life and in my career.

I strive to be: an amazing friend, a giver of praise and laughter, someone with a big heart who put others first, and a loving girlfriend.

I want to strengthen:  my relationship with my Lord and Savior.

I struggle with:  accepting help, knowing my limits, saying no, and taking care of myself.

The Blog-tember Challenge

I'm one of those people that start a LOT of projects, but never seem to have the time to finish them.  I don't know why that is really.  Maybe because I work a full time job, and all my free time is spent studying.  But that's no excuse.  I always find myself coming to my little corner on the interwebz whenever I have something trivial or not so trivial to say.  But, you know never when I'm going to pop up!  

So when Brave Love announced The Blog-tember Challenge, I thought, well, why not?!

Hopefully I'll be able to keep up.  And if I slack - um, tell me to get it in gear!

Blood Work

I mentioned last week that I had five vials of blood drawn at the new doctor's office.  I received the results, and now I'm even more baffled than before.

Basically, everything is perfectly normal, with the exception of my insulin levels.  My doctor prescribed 500 mg of extended release Metformin for 5 days, then increased to 1000 mg of extended release Metformin after that.  I'm to see her again in 10 - 12 weeks.  So really, I have no idea what that means.  The good news is that I know now and have a base line for improvement.  The metformin will hopefully help with the insulin levels, as well as help me lose the extra weight.

My doctor did advise that 60% of "overweight" cysters can become pregnant with metformin alone.  A and I had that conversation, and we're prepared for the outcome, if it happens.  While the timing wouldn't be perfect, it would still be a blessing.

So, that's the latest update.

No answers, really.  No real reason why I'm having so many issues. 

Some days are easier than others.

I think that's true for everything, really.  But it seems like overall, some days I'm okay with my disorder and I'm willing to work to overcome it, and some days, I just want to crawl in a hole, and hide.  Today is one of those hole days.  Hah.  :-)

Here's a little... okay, a lot TMI, but it is necessary to attempt to explain what and how I feel.

I am average approximately 90 days between periods.  Normal women have a cycle every 28 - 31 days.  In order to even get a period, I'm taking progesterone tablets to put the hormones in my body to force a bleed.  While on the progesterone, I feel great.  Full of energy, happy, etc.  But the minute the progesterone is over and my period starts, it's the complete opposite.  Add into the mix that I'm bleeding like someone stabbed me, and it becomes quite uncomfortable.  I feel like I spend more time in the bathroom than I do at my desk or being productive at home.  AND - cramps from hell.  Oh my gosh, horrible pain!  It ends up with me sleeping with a heating pad as well as snuggling with one while trying to work.  

Today, I woke up already feeling kind of down.  It's a hard feeling when it seems like everyone around you has children, gets pregnant without even trying, etc. I've (NO LIE!) seen 6 pregnancy announcements in the last 7 days.  That's a lot.  And then A finally got to talk to his son last night, which always brings it's own set of emotions, but I know how much A loves being a dad and wants so desperately to be in his son's life.  And the conversation always goes something like this... "All I've ever wanted in this life is to be a dad."  And my mind goes something like this... "Let him go, while you still can.  He has a son.  You may not be able to give him a child.  Let him go be with his son."  And the cycle continues.  Every single time.  It's hard.  

But then somewhere I have to realize that I *just* went to the endocrinologist on Monday, and things aren't going to happen overnight.  My PCOS isn't going to just magically disappear, no matter how much I hope & pray it does.  So I bury myself in work, in possible job promotions, in studying for my CPA exam, in taking on everything I can possibly take on, in trying to do everything I can for everyone. Except for myself.  

Welcome to my life.

A new doctor...

Several months back, April or May, I made an appointment with an endocrinologist. Knowing that if I ever want to have a child, I need to get my PCOS under control, making the appointment was the first step.

My appointment was today.  While I wish I had some significant break through to report, I don't.  I will say that I'm very impressed with her though.  She seems incredibly knowledgeable about PCOS in general, and she asked all the right questions.  We discussed my medical history, discussed possible treatments options, etc.

She ordered blood work done for just about every test under the sun, in the tune of 5 vials.  Blood work should be back on Friday, and hopefully I'll be well on my way to getting this PCOS under control.  

Coming home!!

Lindsey sent me a message this morning saying that her and Adam are coming home from the hospital today.  I know this is um, weird, but I'm pretty darn excited.  :-)  It's so much easier to see them both since they live relatively close than driving to the hospital to see them.  

I made a promise to myself that I would not isolate myself from Lindsey or Adam, as I've done with other friends in the past, so I'm determined to keep that promise.