It's funny how someone who was just a stranger last year, can mean so much to you now. It's terrible that someone who meant so much to you last year, can be just a stranger now. It's amazing what a year can do.
I've thought about taking this blog down numerous times over the past 10 months, but I kept coming back to the fact that this blog is mine, and I don't care who reads it. I don't care who knows how wonderful things have become, what amazing things have happened to me since the separation and divorce, how much I've bounced back and became the girl I always was inside. You see, when a person is unhappy with their life and their marriage, they become a bitter shell. It's a miserable way to live, but it was my life for the past several years.
As I quickly, and I mean quickly, approach the anniversary of my birth almost 30 years ago, I'm reminded how lucky I am, how much love and support I have in my life, how the smile of one man can change my day, how amazing I am at the blessings I've been handed by God, and how powerful His work is in my life.
Every day is a precious. Every day, every single moment, is a moment to be cherished. In the past year, I've really learned what kind of person I am, and more than that, the kind of person I want to become. In honor of my approaching 30th birthday, I wanted to do several lists of "30." This list of 30 is a "tribute" to the amazing changes and growth personally over the last year.
1. God, church, and my ever changing relationship with both. I made a promise to God standing in the court room fighting with Marcus over Chloe that if he'd just let me get through this and keep Chloe, I'd find my way back to church. It took me a couple of months after all said and done, but I have been faithfully attending church at Gateway and studying the Bible. I'm thankful for God's many blessings in my life.
2. Alex. About 7 months ago, I met my "hottie neighbor guy" (HNG to all of my friends). He is, without a doubt, the man of my dreams. So much so, that sometimes I swear we share a brain. I always joke with him that "my half of the brain" would like to do this, or think this, separately from his side. I've never met another person who knows what I'm thinking even before I do, who finishes my thoughts, who thinks the same as me most of the time. I don't know if I believed in soul mates before him, but I most certainly do now. I've never loved another person the way I love him. I can remember telling Mom very early on, but not knowing if he felt the same way. But... he most certainly does, and it's been an amazing journey. I can't wait for many more minutes, hours, days, months, and years with him.
3. My Mom. This woman has always been my rock. The cheers I heard when I told her about the divorce could be heard around the world. I am thankful for my changing relationship with her. I've learned to see her differently, to reach out to her when I needed her, and to not be afraid to ask for help. "The more I grow, the more I realize that my mom is the best best friend that I ever had."
4. Carie. When times get tough, you find out who your real friends are. She's a real friend, a trooper, my shoulder to cry on, the friend I laugh with, the sister I never had. "She's my person. If I murdered someone, she's the person I'd call to help me drag the corpse across the living room floor. She's my person." ~ Grey's Anatomy
5. Our new car! It's a beauty. I mean, come on, it's a 2013 Mercedes Benz C250 in bright red. WITH RED SEAT BELTS! It was always my dream car. We signed the papers on it 1/29/2013.
6. The fact that I'm one step closer, one semester closer, to finishing my second Master's degree. And, I have an amazing support system that has yet to stop cheering for me, every single step of the way.
7. A new career, with a new company. I never thought I'd be in this role, pursuing this dream. But I love it.
8. My silly pup. I don't know what I'd do without her. But more than that, I love the relationship that she has with Alex. They are pretty much inseparable. It's the sweetest thing, EVER!
9. Building a closer relationship with Matt. He lives close now. Even though we're scheduled to move in 4 months, it's nice knowing he's there. And we are there for him.
10. A re-connection with a dear old friend. Meridith, I'm talking about you. I can't wait to be a huge part of Morgan & Mercer's lives, and watch those sweet baby boys grow up. I'm just sorry it took me so long.
11. Me. I'm thankful for me. For my outlook on life, for my appreciation of those around me, for being able to say I love you, I appreciate you, I cherish you to the people who deserve to hear it the most.
12. I'm over the moon excited for all the engagements, weddings, pregnancy announcements, and BIRTHS that show up on my Facebook page on a daily basis. It's miraculous that so many wonderful things are happening to so many amazing people.
13. To live in a state that surrounded West, Texas after their MASSIVE fertilizer plant explosion with an outpouring of love, life, funds, blood, tears, support, etc. It's an inspiring thing when Carter Blood Care announces that they have too many blood donations and would like for individuals to wait until summer months when they need it most. Or, when the Mayor of West announces that they simply can't hold anymore physical donations. That, my friends, is awesome.
14. For the opportunity to attend Pink Impact 2013. Inspiring. Empowering. Amazing. Can't wait for 2014. I can't say enough about this experience. Expect another blog post on that one. :-)
15. To be excited for the future. To look forward to tomorrow. To just be in awe of His blessings.
16. To be able to get out of the house and go places, to be able to travel, experience new things. THREE TRIPS IN THREE MONTHS! Now, that's what I'm talking about. :-)
17. For the opportunity to finally meet some of Alex's family in June. I can't wait.
18. For being down to one car right now. It means that we're sharing a car, and Alex is taking me to work most mornings. It's a logistical nightmare, but I love having that extra time with him before work.
19. To have been able to distinguish the "friends" who were there for the drama from the "FRIENDS" that are there through thick and thin. It's awesome to really know who your friends are.
20. To know that I can make it on my own.
21. To finally feel confidence in myself, my skin, my appearance, my abilities. I've never had this before, but it's good. Confidence is an amazing thing that can take you through so much.
22. To have experienced a shift in my priorities. It used to be that I hated coming home, I'd rather put my heart and soul into being the best I could be at work. That meant I put a lot of stress on myself professionally. And while I'm still very professionally minded, my priorities have changed. My relationships are way more important, and I dare say that I love coming home at night.
23. I'm content with where I am in life. This quote says it best... "To be content doesn't mean you don't desire more, it means you're thankful for what you have and patient for what's to come." ~ Tony Gaskins
24. For my ability to smile more, find the goodness in the little things, and to look at the stars more at night.
25. To be making progress on my 101 things to do in 1001 days! It's silly, but this is the second time I've started it. I don't think I accomplished more than 10 items on the first list.
26. To be excited about doing 30 "kind" things for others in the next 14 days. I got this idea from Rachel (yay Rachel!) and she did the same as she approached her 30th. I'm hoping to start this weekend. Let the brainstorming begin.
27. To finally be happy. Happiness is the greatest thing in the world.
28. Struggling with the possibility of infertility has always been next to impossible for me. But it doesn't seem so big anymore. If it happens, GREAT. If not, I'm not any less loved, and I don't feel broken anymore. It's strange, but it's awesome too.
29. That I'm starting to find forgiveness in my heart for the past. Not being able to forgive doesn't hurt the person who needs forgiveness, it hinders my development as a person. So I'm learning...
30. To finally be able to start embracing 30. I mean, I can't change the inevitable and I'd much rather turn 30 than the alternative. 29 was the most amazing year, and I can only believe that 30 and beyond will be that much better. Here's to enjoying the next two weeks in my 20s, and bringing in 30 with a bang!
