Blood Work

I mentioned last week that I had five vials of blood drawn at the new doctor's office.  I received the results, and now I'm even more baffled than before.

Basically, everything is perfectly normal, with the exception of my insulin levels.  My doctor prescribed 500 mg of extended release Metformin for 5 days, then increased to 1000 mg of extended release Metformin after that.  I'm to see her again in 10 - 12 weeks.  So really, I have no idea what that means.  The good news is that I know now and have a base line for improvement.  The metformin will hopefully help with the insulin levels, as well as help me lose the extra weight.

My doctor did advise that 60% of "overweight" cysters can become pregnant with metformin alone.  A and I had that conversation, and we're prepared for the outcome, if it happens.  While the timing wouldn't be perfect, it would still be a blessing.

So, that's the latest update.

No answers, really.  No real reason why I'm having so many issues. 

Some days are easier than others.

I think that's true for everything, really.  But it seems like overall, some days I'm okay with my disorder and I'm willing to work to overcome it, and some days, I just want to crawl in a hole, and hide.  Today is one of those hole days.  Hah.  :-)

Here's a little... okay, a lot TMI, but it is necessary to attempt to explain what and how I feel.

I am average approximately 90 days between periods.  Normal women have a cycle every 28 - 31 days.  In order to even get a period, I'm taking progesterone tablets to put the hormones in my body to force a bleed.  While on the progesterone, I feel great.  Full of energy, happy, etc.  But the minute the progesterone is over and my period starts, it's the complete opposite.  Add into the mix that I'm bleeding like someone stabbed me, and it becomes quite uncomfortable.  I feel like I spend more time in the bathroom than I do at my desk or being productive at home.  AND - cramps from hell.  Oh my gosh, horrible pain!  It ends up with me sleeping with a heating pad as well as snuggling with one while trying to work.  

Today, I woke up already feeling kind of down.  It's a hard feeling when it seems like everyone around you has children, gets pregnant without even trying, etc. I've (NO LIE!) seen 6 pregnancy announcements in the last 7 days.  That's a lot.  And then A finally got to talk to his son last night, which always brings it's own set of emotions, but I know how much A loves being a dad and wants so desperately to be in his son's life.  And the conversation always goes something like this... "All I've ever wanted in this life is to be a dad."  And my mind goes something like this... "Let him go, while you still can.  He has a son.  You may not be able to give him a child.  Let him go be with his son."  And the cycle continues.  Every single time.  It's hard.  

But then somewhere I have to realize that I *just* went to the endocrinologist on Monday, and things aren't going to happen overnight.  My PCOS isn't going to just magically disappear, no matter how much I hope & pray it does.  So I bury myself in work, in possible job promotions, in studying for my CPA exam, in taking on everything I can possibly take on, in trying to do everything I can for everyone. Except for myself.  

Welcome to my life.

A new doctor...

Several months back, April or May, I made an appointment with an endocrinologist. Knowing that if I ever want to have a child, I need to get my PCOS under control, making the appointment was the first step.

My appointment was today.  While I wish I had some significant break through to report, I don't.  I will say that I'm very impressed with her though.  She seems incredibly knowledgeable about PCOS in general, and she asked all the right questions.  We discussed my medical history, discussed possible treatments options, etc.

She ordered blood work done for just about every test under the sun, in the tune of 5 vials.  Blood work should be back on Friday, and hopefully I'll be well on my way to getting this PCOS under control.  

Coming home!!

Lindsey sent me a message this morning saying that her and Adam are coming home from the hospital today.  I know this is um, weird, but I'm pretty darn excited.  :-)  It's so much easier to see them both since they live relatively close than driving to the hospital to see them.  

I made a promise to myself that I would not isolate myself from Lindsey or Adam, as I've done with other friends in the past, so I'm determined to keep that promise.  

  

A new baby boy!!

I'm such a proud Auntie right now.  :-)  Adam Christopher was born on August 11th, 2014 at 4:06PM.  He weighted 7 lbs 10 ounces, and is 19 inches long.  I got to see him at just a few hours old and again last night for a bit.  He's such a sweet boy!

Lindsey has done absolutely amazing.  She's such a natural at being Adam's Mommy, he totally calms down the minute she is near, and I'm just in awe of their bond already.  It's so sweet to see the overwhelming amount of love that she has for her baby boy.  

Alex and I are pretty smitten too.  

I won't post any pictures of him until I get permission from Lindsey, but let me just say this - he looks JUST LIKE HER!  :-) 

Dear Abby

I'm pretty sure that most of you are familiar with Dear Abby.  If not, Dear Abby is an advice column that has been around since 1956.  The original writer was a woman by the name of Pauline Phillips, but the column is now written by her daughter, Jeanne Phillips.  

Now that we've gotten through that short history lesson... I have some serious beef with Dear Abby.

On August 10th, Dear Abby published a response to OFFENDED DAUGHTER. Basically, OFFENDED DAUGHTER had written in that she was 60 - 70 lbs overweight.  She wears a one-piece bathing suit to public pools, but when at home (and at her mother's home) she wanted to wear a bikini top and shorts.  Her mother was offended and stated that she couldn't wear the bikini top at her home, because it "makes people uncomfortable."  

Abby's initial response was okay, but the "follow up" response was out of line.  

Here's the actual link to the article... 

Dear Abby

And here's the part where I'm appalled that Abby would respond in this manner:

"While you say you are comfortable in your own skin, it would be interesting to know what your physician thinks about your obesity. I suspect that your mother would be prouder of you if you were less complacent and more willing to do something about your weight problem."

Unless, I'm completely missing something (or refusing to read between the lines), I don't see where OFFENDED DAUGHTER said she was complacent and not doing anything to combat her weight issues.  Maybe she is.  Maybe she's working with her physician.  Maybe she's eating a well balanced nutritious diet, visiting the gym, and doing everything she can to work on her weight problem.  Maybe she is willing. Maybe she started her weight loss journey with 150 lbs to lose, and now she only has 60 - 70 lbs to lose.  

  

But does that mean that we are to hate our bodies while they are in transition?What about the woman who has health issues that prevent her from being a predetermined weight?  What about the woman who just gave birth to a beautiful baby but isn't a size 2 upon leaving the hospital?  Should she wear something that covers her body until she's back in 100% shape as to not "offend" someone.  If that's the case, I absolutely HATE my body.  

And furthermore, I'd much rather a woman have a healthy relationship with her weight and her body and with food, than an unhealthy one where she's starving herself, battling depression issues due to her low self-esteem, and possibly facing anorexia or bulimia.

I think as a society, we're way too damn quick to judge that an overweight man or woman is automatically lazy and worthless.  And quite frankly, I think that makes the world a bunch of assholes.

  

August 11th

Today, August 11th, the world will welcome a sweet baby boy.  And I couldn't be more thrilled to get to be at the hospital this afternoon to sing him Happy Birthday with a group of people who love him and his Momma so much!  

Adam Christopher, you are coming into a world with people who are so in love with you already, and you haven't even made your arrival yet.  We can't wait to meet you!

I've discussed my pregnancy struggles and PCOS a bit on this blog, and I expected today to be a bit of an emotional struggle.  Lindsey and I have discussed this a bit through out her pregnancy, so it's not like it would be a shock to her if it was.  But, it's not.  Not at all.  Another friend asked me today if I was doing okay, and it took me a minute to even realize what she was talking about.  You see, here's the thing about Lindsey - she's not one of those people who feels the need to rub it in, or make things all about her, even when they should be, or even make things feel like we're in a CONSTANT competition.  It's an amazing change from a previous friendship that I ended in the beginning of 2014.  We both recognize and realize that we are all living the path that God set out for us before we were created.  And while we may not understand {His} timing, we have to have faith that things will work out in the end the way God intended for them to work out.

I think things have really come into perspective for me in the past 24 months.  It's amazing, really, to look back and see just how much my emotions, reactions, and overall well-being has changed.

Yesterday, in church, Pastor Morris was discussing "bitter roots" as part of his Root Causes series.  He mentioned something that really rang true for me... 

"How do you feel when someone who has wronged you so badly receives a blessing when you feel like God should be punishing them?"  

I kind of smirked, because I truly felt that way for a long time.  I was angry at God for allowing ME to be hurt the way that Marcus hurt me.  As I've said before, our relationship was TOXIC, and it wasn't that I was in love with Marcus the way a wife should love her husband, but I didn't feel like I deserved the way Marcus or his family treated me.  I mean, his parents LIED to a judge for Heaven's sake.  I still feel sad about the way his family treated me.  

But then one day I realized something... those aren't my DEMONS to face.  At the end of my time here on Earth, when I'm standing at the gates to Heaven, the only thing I want to explain is my own actions.  Through out the duration of the drama that ensued with court rooms, lawyers, etc. I stayed true to the woman I am, the person my Mom raised, and the kind of person I want to be.  I was gracious, even in the midst of my pain.  

Do you know the answer to Pastor Morris' question?  The reason why the people who have wronged us are blessed despite their shortcomings?  Because God continues to bless US despite our shortcomings.  Wow.  God continues to bless {ME} despite my shortcomings.  

And this is why I'm no longer scared about not being able to get pregnant.  While the timing may not be right in my time, it'll be right in God's time.  I believe that.