Forgiveness

Forgiveness is such a hard thing to tackle, at least for me.  I won't say that I'm the girl that holds grudges, because I normally do not, but when someone or a couple of someones make decisions that completely derail your life, it's hard not to have a bit of anger towards them.

On Sunday, at church, Pastor Morris preached about emotional healing.  What a powerful message.  If you are interested in listening to it, here's the link:  Wounded Warriors.

Most days I'm okay.  I'm not mad, I'm not sad, I'm not angry, I'm great in fact.  M and I had the world's most hurtful, toxic relationship.  It was bad.  But I'm angry that for 10 years he did nothing but lie to me about various things, including his relationship with another woman while still married to me. I'm angry that it took me 10 years, walking away from the situation to realize just how toxic it was. I'm angry that on NYE he's asking me out on a date, all while planning a wedding with his new wife.  I'm angry that God gave them a child, when he didn't even want one. And even mentioned to me in text halfway through her pregnancy that he wasn't sure how he felt about it. I'm angry that A and I are likely going to struggle with infertility and PCOS.  It sucks.

However, I have the most AMAZING relationship that shows me on a daily basis what relationships are supposed to be like.  Before A, I never knew what it was like to hear "I love you" daily.  I never knew what it was like for someone to genuinely say "You're Beautiful!"  And when I respond with "thank you," he says "no, thank you."  I never knew what honest support was like.  For someone to be my biggest cheerleader (behind my Mom, of course).  I have someone who actually listens when I speak, and who goes out of their way to express how he feels.  It's incredible.  I'm not sure I would know and appreciate a love this great without the failures of my past relationship.

This has been a struggle.  I won't say it's over.  I'm still angry.  My blood still boils anytime I have to see his name in my e-mail, receive a text or a phone call.  (This is why I love iOS 7's new operating system... the "block" feature is AMAZING!)  I'm working on it.  I spend time in prayer asking for God to take the anger away, and to allow me to forgive him.

If God can forgive me of my trespasses, and M for his as well, then surely I can attempt to do the same.  I hope and pray that he seeks a relationship with the Lord.  I hope he raises his daughter to be a good person, to focus on family, to seek a relationship with God.  I hope he treats this marriage as more than a game.  I hope he keeps his eyes with in the confines of his marriage, and doesn't look elsewhere like he did with me.

"For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you."  Matthew 6:14

This is what I'm focusing on.

November Goals

I belong to an online "Get Fit & Fab" group and every month we discuss our fitness/health goals.  I have been posting these monthly goals for awhile now, and a lot of them are just slightly out of reach to truly get EVERYTHING on my list done.  But, month after month, I continue this, because it gives me something to strive for and work towards.  I've been thinking a lot about goals this month.  

Health

1.  Focus on a work out routine/plan.  5 days a week.  No excuses.  Even if it's only for 30 minutes.
2.  Continue to drink more water.  
3.  Start & finish the Advocare 24 Day Challenge.

Home

1.  Menu plan, and stick to it. 
2.  Start trying more gluten free and paleo recipes.
3.  Accomplish 10 things from my "home" to do list.

Personal

1.  Sign up for professional pictures.  Schedule a date with Shani. 
2.  Get caught back up in school.  
3.  Accomplish 3 items from my 101 things list.  
4.  Accomplish 10 items from my "running" to do list.

October Goals (Recap)

Really - there isn't much of a recap.

I managed to drink water, and have everything packed for the move.  That's about it.  

Health

1.  Continue with the weekly work out routine.  3 days during the week, 1 weekend day.  
2.  Continue to drink more water.  

Home

1.  Menu plan, and stick to it. 
2.  Start trying more gluten free and paleo recipes.
3.  Have everything packed to move.  :o) 

Personal

1.  Sign up for professional pictures.  Start researching prices.  
2.  Stay caught up in school.  DO NOT GET BEHIND.  
3.  Accomplish 3 items from my 101 things list.  
4.  Accomplish 10 items from my "running" to do list.

peaks, pit, praises, prayers (3)

So clearly this is going to be a more sporadic posting, instead of a weekly thing.  I'm writing a lot of this stuff down in a notebook I keep with me.

Peaks, Pits, Praises & Prayers is basically an overview of whatever time frame you choose {typically a day, but well, I'll probably do a week}.  And overall, I think it might be a fun way to remember what happened during the week.

{peaks} - highlights of the day {week}; overall positives
{pits} - low points of the day; instead of complaining, consider these blessings in disguise
{praises} - praising God for specific things through out the day {week}
{prayers} - prayer requests that arouse during the day {week} or have been lingering

{peaks}

cooler weather {and rain} - texas is still experiencing drought conditions, so the rain was a nice bonus.  plus we have more chances for rain this weekend.

we're moving in less than a week!  i can NOT wait.

{pits}

the government shutdown really took a toll on the emotional stress of some people.  it was hard to watch.  now the government is back up, but they are spouting incredible backlogs for processing things, even though they were only shut down for approx. 10 days.

{praises}

a surprised me with a trip to the pumpkin patch last weekend.  i love that he takes the time to think of things that make me smile.  i can't say enough about this man.

{prayers}

* LJ - Lord, please give LJ peace and wisdom as she struggles through some personal issues currently.  She's a beautiful woman, inside and out.  Help her see that.

* KT - Lord, please give KT the wisdom and courage to fight a battle she's facing.  She knows she can't do it alone.  Watch over her and her precious baby girl, S, and the court system as well.

October Goals

Whew!  We made it to October.  September was an insanely busy month, and October is shaping up to be similar.  Today, with my mom's birthday, starts the birthday/holiday months. I'll be planning a surprise (he doesn't read the blog) birthday for A this month, along with moving, keeping up in school, work, etc. 

Health

1.  Continue with the weekly work out routine.  3 days during the week, 1 weekend day.  
2.  Continue to drink more water.  

Home

1.  Menu plan, and stick to it. 
2.  Start trying more gluten free and paleo recipes.
3.  Have everything packed to move.  :o) 

Personal

1.  Sign up for professional pictures.  Start researching prices.  
2.  Stay caught up in school.  DO NOT GET BEHIND.  
3.  Accomplish 3 items from my 101 things list.  
4.  Accomplish 10 items from my "running" to do list.

September Goals - Recap

Starting in September, life is going to be CRAZY!  Between work, school, packing to move, etc. there won't be a lot of time for extras, but I'm going to still create goals, because well, I can. And I'm going to do my best to keep going!

Health

1.  Continue with the weekly work out routine.  3 days during the week, 1 weekend day.  Ha!  I might have worked out twice this month.  
2.  Continue to drink more water.  I did, however, kick a$$ on the water drinking!

Home

1.  Menu plan, and stick to it. 
2.  Start trying more gluten free and paleo recipes.
3.  Pack up all the stuff in the "office" area downstairs to prepare for MOVING.  
4.  Pack up all glassware, etc. that is not being used.

Personal

1.  Sign up for professional pictures.  Start researching prices.  
2.  Stay caught up in school.  DO NOT GET BEHIND.  
3.  Accomplish 3 items from my 101 things list.  
4.  Accomplish 10 items from my "running" to do list.

Overall, not a terrible month.  :o)  Here's to October!  

peaks, pits, praises, prayers (2)

My intention is/was to post these on Friday, but I missed out on posting it on 9/20.  Oh well.  Better late than never!

Peaks, Pits, Praises & Prayers is basically an overview of whatever time frame you choose {typically a day, but well, I'll probably do a week}.  And overall, I think it might be a fun way to remember what happened during the week.

{peaks} - highlights of the day {week}; overall positives
{pits} - low points of the day; instead of complaining, consider these blessings in disguise
{praises} - praising God for specific things through out the day {week}
{prayers} - prayer requests that arouse during the day {week} or have been lingering

{peaks}

we got an unexpected day off last week.  on thursday, the water main broke in our office.  the building opened up again at 1p, but instead of coming in, i decided to use a 1/2 day of vacation to just chill at home.  it was a much needed break.

{pits}

other than a bit of financial stress in relation to school, i can't really think of any pits.

{praises}

a and i were able to have a fun filled weekend, and it was also much needed.  dinner with friends on friday, a drive-in date on saturday, and a wonderful church service on sunday.

{prayers}

for all of the ladies dealing with issues in my hello mornings morning group.