The start of a loooong journey...

Most people want to have children.  It's not a secret.  It's the only way the human race continues to exist.  We reproduce.  But what no one ever prepares you for is the chance that you might be one of the few that can't.  For several years, I've struggled with the knowledge that I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) for short, and as I continue to get older, I realize that my dreams of having children may never happen.  It sucks.  Hard.

I'm struggling to come to terms with it, but you know what, really all I want to do is stomp my feet and scream how unfair it is.  But that's not the hand God dealt me.  I think what makes it harder for me to swallow is that on paper (blood work, etc.) I'm perfectly healthy and should have no problem whatsoever conceiving a child.  In reality, that's not the case.

Part of my problem can be attributed to the weight gain, but then the weight gain could be attributed to the PCOS, so no one is really sure.  Of course, losing weight with PCOS is tough.  It's a constant cycle to eat right, exercise, don't do this, do that, and it becomes tiring after awhile.  I know that if I ever want a chance of having a child, I don't have a choice.  I have to focus on me and my health for awhile.  I'm even being told by my doctor that it's possible once I lose the weight that I can ovulate on my own.  If not, we try Clomid.

So here we go... someone be on my ass to make sure I'm eating right, going to the gym, walking/running/sprinting/whatever.  I have 364 days (my 30th birthday) to get down at least 40 lbs.  I really want this.  Probably more than I've ever wanted anything before in my entire life.  I want to be someone's mommy.

I've established my career, bought a house, have a husband, a dog, but even with all of those things, I still just feel like my little family isn't complete... and it may not ever be.  But I'm really trying, very hard, to put my trust and faith in God, and know that whatever His will may be, I have to be okay with it.

I'm really trying... but I'm still going to do everything in my power to help make the dream a reality.
  

One Little Word (2012 Edition)

Every single year, I set out to pick a word that will describe my year, give me motivation, drive to achieve something, and every single year, I fail. My word doesn't seem to encompass the true meaning of what I hope to accomplish with each new year. I admit, when I first starting thinking of a word for 2012, I was stumped. I thought about "achieve" or "accomplish" or something like that, but at the end of the day, I wanted something simple. You know, like me! (Read more about picking one little word here.)

It wasn't until I was catching up on blogs via blogger, and I started reading shannondombkowski.com. (She's a fellow military wife, who is an amazing blogger! You should definitely follow her blog.) She has the most perfect word. DO.

So thanks to Shannon, DO has also become my "one little word."

I even thought to google the word do... and the images that popped up were kind of funny in an inspiring way.

And so here we go. DO.

Pinterest Party!

We all LOVE parties, right?!  And we CLEARLY love pinterest or there would be millions of pins on there.  We The Grahams had a fabulous idea to host a pinterest party!  Um, score!

The idea is to create something you've pinned on pinterest.  The deadline - January 15th.  Who is in?!

Here are some of my ideas as to what I *may* make in this challenge.

A sunburst mirror a la Censational Girl.

Some new bows for my sweet niece.

Some candles for our outdoor patio.

Oh the possibilities are ENDLESS!  Please say you'll join me!

So...

How is everyone doing so far?  I realize we're only 2 days into 2012, but yeah, I just thought I'd ask.  :o)

Marcus and I have spent today shopping... we're looking for bedding, a dining room set, a breakfast nook table, media room furniture, etc.  I think we've FINALLY found bedding that we both like... but the duvet cover is $299!  I don't know if we'll plug the trigger on it or not.  I really love it, but I don't know if I love that price!

One of my goals for 2012 is to take 365 pictures.  I hate that I don't take more pictures each year, so I'm going to attempt that.  My thought(s) are to post the "weekly" collage of pictures on Saturday at some point.  Let's see if I can keep up it.

I hope you are all rocking your goals so far in 2012.

XOX,
C

Happy New Year

May your dreams be big.  May your worries be light.  May peace and love fill your life.  May 2012 be all that you want it to be.  Happy New Year!

2012 New Year's Goals

Here is a quick list of the 2012 "goals" that I've made for myself...

Personal: 

1.  Run a half marathon.  This means training.  And lots of it.  I'm going to go with the White Rock marathon, more than likely.  It gives me almost a full twelve months to train.

2.  Lose 50 lbs. 

3.  Read all the books that I currently own as of 1/1/12. 

4.  Blog.  I'd really like to focus on my book blog and this blog, so readers, hold me to it!  I'm going to commit to 3 - 5 blog posts a week.  I'm going to attempt to do a weekly recap in photos (to correspond with the 365 photos in one year challenge) AND Friday Five.  This will help keep me motivated and accountable.
5.  Find a church. 

6.  Become more active in the Fort Worth book club that I found.

7.  Do something for myself.  Must be relaxing!  I'm going to shoot for once a month.

Marriage:

8.  Do unexpected "just because" stuff for Marcus.  At least once a month. 

9.  Learn to pick my battles.

10. Increase intimacy by communication.  (Good goal, Krista!  We need this too!)

Family/Friends:
11. Make it a point to have more "girl's days out" with Carie and Lindsey!  I miss my friends.

12. Spend time with my mom, doing girlie stuff, just getting out of the house, SOMETHING!  At least once every few weeks. 

Home

13. Decorate our master bedroom/bathroom. 

14. Organize the kitchen.

15. Go through the 2012 "declutter calendar" and achieve at least 10 items each month.

New Year's Resolutions - Recap

As with the end of each year, I always try to reflect on the year as a whole, recap the things that happened, set goals for the next year, and think back on the goals for the previous year.  As with any year, it had it's ups and downs.

2011 Recap:

Multiple moves. 
(I moved my essential stuff from Dallas to Fort Worth, then moved Marcus' essential stuff from Dallas to Fort Worth, moved all of our furniture into TWO storage buildings (one in Dallas, one in Fort Worth), moved the stuff out of storage into our house, spent the last three weeks gathering all the rest of our crap to move into the house.  I'm pretty much done with moving for awhile.)

One new job.

One new house.

One year ago, on December 31st, 2010, I drank my last Dr Pepper.  I've successfully made it almost a year without touching another "regular" soft drink.  For the first 4 - 5 months, I didn't drink any soft drinks, but I've slowly let them creep back into my life.

12 5Ks.  I started out with one a month, and did very well with that until November and December.  A move, finals, etc. didn't allow me to do one a month, but I ran several in certain months, so I'm counting it as a goal ACHIEVED!

75 books read.  Well, not quite, but almost.  I should reach this goal.  I have three more to go!  Well, really like 1.5 to go.  :o)